Escape from Cannibal Farm (2017)

Written by Charlie Steeds
Directed by Charlie Steeds
Starring Kate Davies-Speak, David Lenek, Rowena Bentley, Toby Wynn-Davies and Barrington De La Roche

Title? Check. 
Trailer? Check. 
Plot? Check.
Who would have thought from the above that Escape From Cannibal Farm could result in the foulest pile of dog poo, this side of hell? I mean, the title is cool…the trailer is interesting and the plot sounds decent, albeit a severe steal from Texas Chainsaw Massacre. Even the movie poster looks terrific! What went wrong? *sigh

A middle class British family is taking a camping trip into the countryside, as a bonding experience to hopefully mend some mildly broken issues.

Issue #1 – step dad, Wes. He’s brutish, bullying, impatient and somewhat mean.

Issue #2 – the mom, Katherine. She’s nice, loves her children and yet…she sticks up for Wes, relentlessly.

Issue #3 – the children. Oldest sibling, Jessica brings along her boyfriend Kurt who gets a first-hand vision of what life would be like if he proposes to Jess. Middle kid, Toby is my favorite. Quick-tongued and sarcastic, he makes no qualms about wanting to go home, or at least play video games during the entire trip, thereby avoiding any contact and conversations with Wes.

​Finally, young Sam who sits quietly and absorbs the dynamics between the adults and the kids during this painful ride into the woodlands.

Of course, as fate (and cliché) would have it, they stop in a completely isolated area to set up camp, when strange things begin to happen. A creepy person appears in the window of the RV; a tent is set on fire; and of course! While trying to haul ass out of there, the camper won’t start.

What else could possibly go wrong?

​How about being abducted by a gruesome young man in a mask, and his deranged backwoods father (Barrington de la Roche)…who’s acting is so impossibly bad, that I wasn’t sure if he was being serious or preparing for a bloopers reel.

Imagine if you will…

Leatherface, meets Live Animals. Mix in a tiny bit of Motel Hell, some awful plots and tah-dah! We have Escape from Cannibal Farm. The story never ends. At first, it appears that this hillbilly family-run farm is out for revenge. Then, it becomes a betrayal. Next up…a service for high end clients. And finally, a second villain is introduced. Don’t worry, I am not giving away any spoilers.

​ There are none.

The most disappointing aspect of Cannibal Farm is its potential from the beginning. Very strong! Toby (Lenik) is the most creative character in this family. Maybe it’s just the script for him, but props to Lenik for keeping my attention. The movie goes downhill after the capture, and never gets revived. Instead, it goes into a frenzy of different directions and makes you dizzy.

​And bored.

By all accounts, escape from watching this. It is a dreadful waste of time.

Meredith Brown

"Killing with gloves on? Well that would be like fucking with a rubber."